Tapestry

The cognizance is ours
To hold what we obtain
Whether morbid or carnal,
We’re here to entertain.

Come live my life
So you’ll find empathy alone
Never enough to stimulate your mind.

I remember who I used to be
Before the songs became sorrows.
Written in words we can’t speak.

I remember how I used to dream
Before the visions turned.
Nightmares of reality.

My disgrace holds your attention
Sate your appetite with my destruction
A ripple fighting the wave.

Keep watching and you might see
The unraveling of an identity
Demons sewn into the past
Frayed, unbound, writhed… released.

-AJ Sandhu
August 2018

Delusions of Success

I’ll rage and I’ll cry about my dreams
Vaguely enough so you’ll feel
That someone, somewhere understands

Don’t take my empty promises
As substitutions for the words you need to hear
Cause I sing my laments
In sound-proofed studio rooms you’ve never known

You’ll canonize with my side of tale
My narrative nurtures dreams that the truth would kill
Don’t you see
I can never understand
What it means to lose every single time.

I’ll say your persistence will reward you
Opine that your talent is a virtue
That your voice hides secrets only you can share
Because I’m already there

I’ll tell you I know the way
One day your struggle will yield
It’s kinder than admitting life isn’t fair.

– AJ Sandhu 2016


Perfidy

I hide behind veiled eyes
So no one can see the madness inside.
Every word out of my mouth is a lie.
You were so kind and so good
I wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
I want to be so badly
Everything you think of me.
I’m standing on this pedestal,
My friend, it’s hollow inside
An empty box filled with lies.
Every word out of my mouth is a lie
You were so kind and so good
I only wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I’m a façade built of fairy-tales.
Oh I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
Don’t look at me
You’ll see what I am
Unworthy of the faith you’ve given me
A leech in disguise
Maybe someday you won’t regret
Letting me have so much of you
Maybe one day your scars will fade
And I will become what I’ve always been,
Only an obstacle in your way
Every word out of my mouth is a lie
You were so kind and so good
I only wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I’m a façade built of fairy-tales.
Oh I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
Maybe someday you won’t regret
Letting me have so much of you
Maybe one day your scars will fade
And I will become what I’ve always been
Only an obstacle in your way.
-AJ Sandhu 2016

Dispossessed

We’re not pieces on a chessboard
Built to be played however we choose
Life is not finite in what it could be.
I’m holding the hope
That the sins on my soul
Are not greater than
The forgiveness I’m asking for
There are no chosen kings
And queens of our world
Only fearful people hoping
Their confidence will disguise their lies
We’re all hiding from ourselves
Hoping our deepest devotions
Are never put to the test.
Victims of our baser urges
It’s what we feared
No hearts left to converge.
You’ve gone too far for me to find you
And after all, you never wanted me to.
-AJ Sandhu 2016

Moving On

Moments that took minutes

Are taking hours away
I’m left here to mourn
All that time wasted on you.
Every hard earned breath I gave
Trying to keep you;
Is screaming in my lungs now
As I start sinking under
All we’re looking for is a chance
To be prepared
If we must be the fools
Behind the reigns.
So tell me mechanist
Is there a remedy
For all the sorrow
That I feel?
Singing a sullen lullaby
Before the curtain falls
On our life’s play
Too long and too short
To waste trying to hold
Dreams we didn’t share
Ambition led us astray
This is a siren’s call
To all of the songs
I’ve sung before.
Different tempo, same refrain

You’ve moved on

And it seems I’m left
Standing here waiting for you
To look back for me.
-AJ Sandhu 2016

Frozen Mausoleums

We won’t find you
Oh we won’t find you
Not in these tattered pieces
Of dreams left behind.
Is there a remedy for
All of the things everyone knows
If not
Is there place that holds
All of the knowledge
We should have by now?
You built this town
You built this city
Repeat it over and over
As if you expect some pity.
Is this what it’s meant to be
Only disappointed faces looking our way?
Constant reminders that you think
We only want your sympathy
We can’t find it
Oh we can’t find it
Not in these tattered pieces
Of dreams left behind
Oh you built this town
You built this city
Heaven forbid it rises
Above your glory
And it all fades to black
Was the ending worth for naught.
Because you built this town
You built this city
On the ashes of those who
Thought you only wanted their sympathy
We’ll tear this town
We’ll burn your city
Frozen mausoleums to leaders
Who don’t deserve our pity.

-AJ Sandhu 2016

Lullaby from Colossus

Colossus is a one shot novel I’ve been working on for a few years now; there is a lullaby in the book I’d never really explored. A few weeks ago I started to write it:

Sleep little one
I’ll carry you away
Rest for a while
When you wake
The darkness will be gone.

Sleep for a while
I’ll carry you home
I’ll carry you
To where you belong
Where you can be free
If only for a moment

Out of this farce
Far from this grief
I’ll carry you with me
To can where you can be safe
As long as you need to be

So sleep little one
While I carry you away
Rest for a moment
When you wake
The darkness will be far behind.

-AJ Sandhu 2016

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