The past couple of years have been a trip. I still have a tough time getting out of bed in the morning, but at least I recognize that something is wrong. Before I couldn’t even manage that.
I don’t know what’s happened in the last two years, honestly. My old blog just has posts from 2011 and a smattering in 2012. My online accounts were basically dead.
I went to India at the end of 2012 and came back in 2013 with this overwhelming dissatisfaction with the way things are. Why we are willing to accept injustice just because that’s the way it’s always been. I would talk about the ancient taste in the atmosphere of India, and completely ignore the vast and equally important ancientness of the American atmosphere I was born into. How awful, to feel as if the land itself has been made to forget.
In India, things are the way they are because that is their tradition. The poor have always been poor, the rich are rich and the ones that inspire change. Bards are born when the land deems it so. There is so much that needs to be changed there, but much more that needs to change here.
I went to India and came back disappointed in the country I was born to, because we weren’t better than the worst I had seen. We weren’t better and we should be.
I’m so tired of pretending.
I am part of a land that violently stomped out the ancientness of the air and built something new upon the graves. I am born into the country of change. There is no tradition here. How can there be? Tradition is born of history, of which remains here but a few hundred years. In 1914 there were only 48 states. Even our current flag isn’t tradition.
In the United States, there is no such thing as all way things have always been. This is dragged me out. This thought saved me.
My parents did something that hadn’t been done, and if they hadn’t I wouldn’t be here. And I am living in, I was born in, one of the few places that aren’t bound to tradition.
I get to flail and fail, and then pick myself back up. Try again, fail better, fail harder, and maybe one day succeed. This needs to be our tradition. Because life is too rare in our present universe to waste on “the way things are.”
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