Emptiness

The worst thing that could happen was losing my story. I could lose everything else, but losing the story in my heart was unbearable. The thought that Derivation would be there no matter what happened, no matter how deep the rabbit-hole went, kept me going for so long.
I emptied myself into the singular pursuit.
My apathy, empathy, love, hatred, passion, motivation.
Everything belonged to my one purpose; telling the tale that burned in my chest.
Now I fear I’ve given too much.
I’m empty.
I lost Derivation while I was surrendering the rest.
The one thing I was determined to keep is gone.
Without it, I’m not even a person.
So what now? What do I do now that the worst has happened?
How long do I stay away? How long will it take to fall in love again? Until my hands itch with words burning to see life on paper?
I don’t know.
I’m starting over. From the beginning. Tell me again, Alexander.
Stay good and keep transmitting

-Aman Sandhu 2016

Moving On

Moments that took minutes

Are taking hours away
I’m left here to mourn
All that time wasted on you.
Every hard earned breath I gave
Trying to keep you;
Is screaming in my lungs now
As I start sinking under
All we’re looking for is a chance
To be prepared
If we must be the fools
Behind the reigns.
So tell me mechanist
Is there a remedy
For all the sorrow
That I feel?
Singing a sullen lullaby
Before the curtain falls
On our life’s play
Too long and too short
To waste trying to hold
Dreams we didn’t share
Ambition led us astray
This is a siren’s call
To all of the songs
I’ve sung before.
Different tempo, same refrain

You’ve moved on

And it seems I’m left
Standing here waiting for you
To look back for me.
-AJ Sandhu 2016

Frozen Mausoleums

We won’t find you
Oh we won’t find you
Not in these tattered pieces
Of dreams left behind.
Is there a remedy for
All of the things everyone knows
If not
Is there place that holds
All of the knowledge
We should have by now?
You built this town
You built this city
Repeat it over and over
As if you expect some pity.
Is this what it’s meant to be
Only disappointed faces looking our way?
Constant reminders that you think
We only want your sympathy
We can’t find it
Oh we can’t find it
Not in these tattered pieces
Of dreams left behind
Oh you built this town
You built this city
Heaven forbid it rises
Above your glory
And it all fades to black
Was the ending worth for naught.
Because you built this town
You built this city
On the ashes of those who
Thought you only wanted their sympathy
We’ll tear this town
We’ll burn your city
Frozen mausoleums to leaders
Who don’t deserve our pity.

-AJ Sandhu 2016

Lullaby from Colossus

Colossus is a one shot novel I’ve been working on for a few years now; there is a lullaby in the book I’d never really explored. A few weeks ago I started to write it:

Sleep little one
I’ll carry you away
Rest for a while
When you wake
The darkness will be gone.

Sleep for a while
I’ll carry you home
I’ll carry you
To where you belong
Where you can be free
If only for a moment

Out of this farce
Far from this grief
I’ll carry you with me
To can where you can be safe
As long as you need to be

So sleep little one
While I carry you away
Rest for a moment
When you wake
The darkness will be far behind.

-AJ Sandhu 2016

On My Way

We all want somebody to love
Somebody to hold
Somebody to lie beside
Because the nights are cold
But will the degradation
To our baser instincts
Consume our souls
Confuse the common urge
For something we’ve never observed
Don’t let me go
Till I take my final breath
Then I swear I’ll set you free
Don’t leave me here without you
Though you can stay without me
I don’t want just
Another heartbeat beside me.
Familiar hope only your scent gives me
Just give me this life
Then I swear I’ll be on my way.
We all want somebody to love
Somebody to hold
Somebody to lie beside
Because our lives can be cold.
-AJ Sandhu 2015

Rumination 15

     No one tells you how bright the darkest corners of your mind can be. How sweetly that voice whispers lies and doubts into your ear.
     If they were dark, you would never venture into them again. They’re enticing, bright and warm, because they’re drawing all of the light and warmth out of you.
     The colder and darker you feel, the more light and warmth you try to generate, until you just can’t anymore.
     You need more for the same high.
     The universe may be infinite; you are not.
     But you are strong, you are loved, and you are not alone. So many of us are right there with you, making more light as it is taken. Maybe one day we’ll make more than the imbalance can pull.

Stay good and keep transmitting.

-AJ Sandhu 2015

Human Plight

I don’t know where happiness lies
In this human plight
I just know there must be
Something better in this life

Have I earned the right to know
Earned the right to say
Or is this just another dream
Is this just another play

I’m sitting on the edge of today
But I haven’t earned the right to stay
I’m not part of this
I never was

I’m just here to show
At least someone cared
That someone was holding on
To all of the moments shared

Do I take a humble leave
Or do I keep holding on
Hoping that I break through
To what potential we had when this began

My patience is waning
Though this is nothing new
How long can I keep waiting
Before I give up on you?

I will never know where happiness
Lies in this human life
I just know there must be
Something better for which we flight.

AJ Sandhu 2015