Tapestry

The cognizance is ours
To hold what we obtain
Whether morbid or carnal,
We’re here to entertain.

Come live my life
So you’ll find empathy alone
Never enough to stimulate your mind.

I remember who I used to be
Before the songs became sorrows.
Written in words we can’t speak.

I remember how I used to dream
Before the visions turned.
Nightmares of reality.

My disgrace holds your attention
Sate your appetite with my destruction
A ripple fighting the wave.

Keep watching and you might see
The unraveling of an identity
Demons sewn into the past
Frayed, unbound, writhed… released.

-AJ Sandhu
August 2018

Dissociation

The madness is growing
-Don’t you see?
The madness is growing
-Don’t you understand?
I don’t know where fiction ends
-Where reality begins

I’m warring with the emptiness
-To preserve my sanity
Take a step into this void
-Watch and you will see

The emotional maw in my head
-Causes false contractions of my heart
I’m bleeding out my soul
-Craving these chemicals till I’m dead

This refrain is falling apart
-Shadows cast in the wrong direction
Poor render of a simulated world
-When tomorrow comes
Will I wake here or somewhere else?
-Will I be someone new?

-AJ Sandhu 2017

Delusions of Success

I’ll rage and I’ll cry about my dreams
Vaguely enough so you’ll feel
That someone, somewhere understands

Don’t take my empty promises
As substitutions for the words you need to hear
Cause I sing my laments
In sound-proofed studio rooms you’ve never known

You’ll canonize with my side of tale
My narrative nurtures dreams that the truth would kill
Don’t you see
I can never understand
What it means to lose every single time.

I’ll say your persistence will reward you
Opine that your talent is a virtue
That your voice hides secrets only you can share
Because I’m already there

I’ll tell you I know the way
One day your struggle will yield
It’s kinder than admitting life isn’t fair.

– AJ Sandhu 2016


Perfidy

I hide behind veiled eyes
So no one can see the madness inside.
Every word out of my mouth is a lie.
You were so kind and so good
I wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
I want to be so badly
Everything you think of me.
I’m standing on this pedestal,
My friend, it’s hollow inside
An empty box filled with lies.
Every word out of my mouth is a lie
You were so kind and so good
I only wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I’m a façade built of fairy-tales.
Oh I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
Don’t look at me
You’ll see what I am
Unworthy of the faith you’ve given me
A leech in disguise
Maybe someday you won’t regret
Letting me have so much of you
Maybe one day your scars will fade
And I will become what I’ve always been,
Only an obstacle in your way
Every word out of my mouth is a lie
You were so kind and so good
I only wanted to be everything you thought of me
But I’m a façade built of fairy-tales.
Oh I will break your heart
And when the veil falls
You’ll only find emptiness
As you pull me apart
Maybe someday you won’t regret
Letting me have so much of you
Maybe one day your scars will fade
And I will become what I’ve always been
Only an obstacle in your way.
-AJ Sandhu 2016

Dispossessed

We’re not pieces on a chessboard
Built to be played however we choose
Life is not finite in what it could be.
I’m holding the hope
That the sins on my soul
Are not greater than
The forgiveness I’m asking for
There are no chosen kings
And queens of our world
Only fearful people hoping
Their confidence will disguise their lies
We’re all hiding from ourselves
Hoping our deepest devotions
Are never put to the test.
Victims of our baser urges
It’s what we feared
No hearts left to converge.
You’ve gone too far for me to find you
And after all, you never wanted me to.
-AJ Sandhu 2016